It’s been said that everyone’s a comedian, and that’s especially true of people who talk in their sleep. Hilariously bizarre and shared online, these gems were overheard by everyone from siblings and spouses to buddies and roommates:
- “Just because my middle name is Pancake doesn’t mean you can put syrup on me before I’m ready to come out of the oven.”
- “Wait! The Genoa sausage has right of way!”
- “Cheeseburgers are going extinct!”
Bedtime takeaway: From towering burgers to hot Italian sausage, heavily spiced food, or just a heavy meal, can disturb sleep if you eat it within a couple hours of bedtime.
- “Can someone get these soccer balls untangled from my hair please? I have somewhere to be!”
- “How many garbage bags do I have to punch to win it?”
Bedtime takeaway: Whether you’re scoring goals or creating a new sport — like garbage bag punching, for instance — exercising a few hours before bedtime boosts your adrenaline levels, which can keep you awake. Exercising earlier in the day, on the other hand, makes you physically tired, which helps you sleep.
- “Mom, I do not think the laptop will fit in the microwave.”
- “Now, put the lotion on the phone. It’s the most important step.”
Bedtime takeaway: Keep the bedroom exclusive. It should be a sanctuary that induces slumber (and sex, which may or may not involve lotion). Ban the TV or computer, which are stimulating, and read a novel instead. (Sex is about as stimulating as it gets, of course, but it’s hard to stay awake afterwards, right?)
Proper rest = you at your best
We all want to be at our best day in and day out, and the right amount of Zs can help you get there. What IS the right amount? Don’t Change Much joins the National Sleep Foundation in recommending between 7 and 9 hours of sleep a night for optimal health. Get the sleep you need, and so many everyday things get better: your mental sharpness, memory, mood, and self-control. Studies show that proper sleep helps the brain work properly, with new pathways for learning and remembering information formed while snoozing. Fact is, getting the right amount of sleep can be the single best thing you do for your overall health.
And in case you missed the memo:
“It takes a lot of barbed wire on wheels to hold an elephant.”
Bedtime takeaway: None whatsoever — but now you know to pick up extra wire!
Share your comment below if you have some hilarious stories to tell about talking in your sleep.
Adam Bisby is a Toronto-based freelance journalist and father of two. His award-winning stories have appeared in The Globe and Mail, Toronto Star and National Post newspapers, in magazines like Explore, Reader’s Digest, International Traveller and Canadian Family, and on websites including MSN, MSN Canada, and DontChangeMuch.ca. Visit Adam’s website for more details on his award winning work.