The Bone Ranger. King Dong. Russell the One-Eyed Muscle. The list of hilarious nicknames for penises is as long as a blue whale’s weiner, which maxes out at more than 10 feet. Moby Dick, indeed!
As you might expect, many of these nicknames celebrate the organ’s erect state. If that state isn’t being achieved, here’s some good news: these easy drug-free tips can help any guy send erectile dysfunction (ED) to the cleaners.
Work it out
Regular exercise strengthens your heart and circulatory system like nobody’s business, which in turn sustains the blood pressure and blood flow needed to get it up for as long as you (and whoever else is involved) would like. Getting active also busts stress — itself a boner killer — and has been shown to boost the male sex drive, too.
And yes, a workout between the sheets counts! Plus, a firmer physique will probably boost your chances of getting between the sheets in the first place.
Eat the right stuff
No, we are not talking about foreplay here. Many healthy foods help increase blood flow to your package: onions, garlic, spicy chillies, salmon, tuna, avocados, oysters and olive oil, to name a few. Potassium-rich bananas benefit the family jewels by moderating blood pressure. Pork, peanuts and kidney beans help boost the signals from your brain to your bald-headed sailor. Eggs are full of vitamins that balance hormone levels and bust stress. On that note…
Avoid the wrong stuff
Speaking of stress, many guys handle it by consuming alcohol, tobacco and recreational drugs. Trouble is, too much of the former can leave your purple-headed monster too relaxed to spring into action. Smoking and drug use, meanwhile, can constrict blood vessels.
Get the sleep you need
Erectile dysfunction is one of several health risks that are reduced by sleeping between 7 and 9 hours a night. ED is a common symptom of obstructive sleep apnea (OSA), which is characterized by snoring and breathless spells during sleep. Thankfully, treating OSA has been shown to resolve erectile problems in 75 percent of cases.
What is erectile dysfunction? Caused by physical, mental and lifestyle factors ranging from stress and smoking to diabetes and a lack of sleep and physical activity, ED is considered to be present anytime an erection is consistently unsatisfactory for everyone involved.
With around 40 percent of guys over the age of 40 experiencing ED to some degree — it can be mild, moderate or severe — family doctors hear about it all the time. Your doc can prescribe medications, which can improve erections by relaxing the blood vessels in the penis, allowing more blood to flow in.
Last but not least, it’s important to let your doctor know the deal because ED can be a yellow warning light for serious health problems such as heart attack or stroke.
Getting it on is REALLY good for you!
Showing ED the door is more than just a feel-good move. Having sex regularly can help your body fight off illness, and may reduce your risk of a heart attack, stroke and prostate cancer.
It also releases hormones that produce feelings of wellbeing, with research showing that happiness may have more to do with sex than with money. Yep, walking on air after getting laid is totally legit!
What nickname do you use for your penis? Share the joy in the comments below!
Adam Bisby is a Toronto-based freelance journalist and father of two. His award-winning stories have appeared in The Globe and Mail, Toronto Star and National Post newspapers, in magazines like Explore, Reader’s Digest, International Traveller and Canadian Family, and on websites including MSN, MSN Canada, and DontChangeMuch.ca. Visit Adam’s website for more details on his award winning work.